Running System

It was broken. Really broken. Like an old, rusty cargo ship that may sink any moment, this website was full of patches and quick fixes. I was not proud of it. The database leaked, the engine was vulnerable, and support for the system had ran out years ago. While code does not get rusty, it becomes obsolete as the environment in which it runs evolves. And just like in real life, the best thing that can happen is a regular crisis that wakes us up from the dream that pretends that everything can remain the same forever. A few weeks ago, that (code) crisis finally came and the running system that never had been touched, stopped running. After this hiatus, welcome back to a shiny upgraded site with new blog smell :)

Rusty chains at Völklinger Hütte, a UNESCO world heritage site in Saarland

Fifteen

Things have changed. I never thought I would get this far when I started writing this blog fifteen years ago. Back then, I wrote it for others. I was shy and quiet. My hope was that the blog would show others that I was not entirely boring. That did not work out, of course. Later it became a place to deal with the nostalgia and loneliness that I felt during the PhD. Nowadays, I write the blog for myself. I found meaning in trying to write down thoughts, take pictures, and make objects that have some sort of beauty by themselves. I do not always succeed, but that shift of perspective made it much less relevant whether anyone reads, looks or uses those creations.

Step by step, year by year, I somehow got to 15 years

Unnecessary

Love is selfless by definition. Yet we have degraded it to a selfish feeling. Do you love someone, or do you love being loved? From family to friends and partners, our culture makes us believe that the focus lies on ourselves. And the consequence of it is an enormous amount of unnecessary suffering. One of my favourite parts of The Unbearable Lightness of Being is a dictionary that Milan Kundera includes in his novel to show the radically opposite understanding of simple notions that the couple Franz and Sabina has, leading to fatal communication failures. Love is omnipresent in our culture yet causes devastating harm. The more I experience this, the less I feel I need it.

The book is a pleasure to read and a source of deep wisdom

Wishlist

Making gifts is hard. I have made many useless gifts in the past and I will definitely make many more in the future. The perfect gift is somewhere at the intersection of what one likes to give and what the recipient likes to receive. And the longer it takes to become junk for the recipient, the better. Figuring that out requires a great deal of empathy. Add minimalism to that, and it becomes hopeless. If we all kept public wishlists, the disappointment in the world would be less. Same for the waste. My wishlist would include (your) time, (your) art, and (your) care. But all of that is crazily expensive. As a simple alternative, some good food will do, too ;-)

And great food typically involves time and art anyway

A third day

It is always on Sunday evening. Just when the weekend is about to slip off, I finally feel rested to focus on my small projects. My hobbies. My creative ideas. But it is too late. The weekend is almost over. I guess two days is just enough to get some sleep, get all the non-work tasks done that build up during the week, get a brain reset consuming some pre-made content (a game, a book, a movie...), and get some much needed fresh air with some outdoor activity. And that is it, the weekend is gone. I plead for a third day. A day for creativity. That day where one paints, writes, makes, sews, programs, plants, or whatever. A day for mental health.

That day one spends a non-trivial amount of time taking "artistic" photos of toothbrushes xD

Lighthouse

The concept of a lighthouse has some magic to it. A lighthouse shows the way to safety, standing strong even in the worst thunderstorm. At every age, we all believe that we have figured out the way, no lighthouse needed. As kids, as teenagers, as adults. We all think that we know what we are doing. And to some extent, that makes a lot of sense. It would be devastating to live without believing that one knows the way, even if that is inherently a lie. The key is to be aware that it is a lie. A necessary white lie. And when one inevitably gets lost, fortunately the lighthouse is still there, where lighthouse is just a synonym for any other lost human being.

The way to Lighthouse of Ponta de Sagres, located almost at the very edge of Europe

Plastic Shock

It is more expensive. No doubt about that. But how much is a better and cleaner environment worth? I feel incredibly lucky to have a zero waste shop within walking distance of my home. Once a month I buy there legumes, rice, spices, and even sweets. I bring my own glass jars and they fill them for me. After that, I often stop by a regular supermarket to buy whatever is missing. And then comes the shock. The plastic shock. It feels awkward to see everything wrapped up in plastic that is to be discarded right after use. It only happens on the days when I come from the zero waste shop. Otherwise, my mind is trained to accept the plastic as "normal".

Half a kilo of lentils in plastic costs 1.79 €, without plastic 2.55 €. That is 0.76 € for nature.

Balance

One day, it worked. I had not trained for it in particular. But that day, I took my hands off the handlebar, and it worked. I did not loose balance. I did not fall off the bike. I had tried a few times before, but after a few seconds the bike would become unstable, my heart would skip a beat, and I would clench the handlebar again. And now, it just works. Out of the blue. I would love to say that it is a result of meditation, but I have no way to prove it. Meditation is all about balance and being in the moment. The second my mind wanders and pictures the terrible accident that could be about to happen, the bike drifts off. A fearless mind is a quiet mind.

My old saddle cover: "Life is like riding a bike. You don't fall as long as you keep pedaling"

Pitfalls of Empathy

I strive for empathy. I believe it is key for almost anything. I am amazed at the power it unfolds when interacting with others. And I always took for granted that balancing my reactions based on how others probably feel was the way for a better togetherness. However, the danger lies in hiding emotions behind that balance, which then comes over as being untrustworthy. This nuance struck me once again in a context I had never imagined. A computer game. A game about how we relate to each other. About how we feel. And about how we react to it. I loved the main game of Life is Strange, and the same goes now for its prequel, Before the Storm.

In so-called "moments of calm", Chloe pauses to reflect on what is going on in her life

Enraged, here Chloe stops when she sees her image in a mirror she is about to smash

Chloe supports her friend in a moment of sufferement, as her world falls apart

As in the main game, many events and references are left open for interpretation

While a game of decisions, the ending must inevitably lead to the plot in Life is Strange

Holiday Dream

It was empty. Really empty. The parking lot. The ticket offices. The overpriced restaurant with photos on the menu. The gift shop selling souvenirs of dubious taste. All of it, closed. It had the mystical aura of an abandoned place. Not a single tourist on a location designed to host armies of vacationers on all-inclusive holiday packages. It was a dream come true. The whole place entirely for a few locals and myself, a semi-local. No crowds. No strangers on the pictures. No waiting in line for the nice photo spot. And all the time in the world to take in the moment and the location. Three things made it possible: a weekday, a cold wave, and a pandemic.

I met less than ten people on this snow hike in the Murnau peatlands

The stairs to the world longest castle remain empty as it snows in Burghausen

I was entirely alone at the UNESCO world heritage site of the Wieskirche

The emptyness striked me most at Linderhof Palace, which led to this blog entry